So I am in love with Ellen Degeneres and I am a HUGE fan of the Oprah Show, so as you can imagine, when I found out that Ellen was going to be on Oprah, I was totally stoked! The episode was so wonderful & I loved the fact that it was all about Ellen– there were no other guest stars. From beginning to end I was intrigued; the show never lost my attention. I laughed, I was joyful, and I even got a little teary at times. Overall, I felt so joyous to be watching and listening to Ellen as she worked her charm, made us laugh, and even got quite sentimental and serious in a very touching way. I felt it a privilege to see Ellen and Portia’s first interview together as a married couple and to be able to watch their behind the scenes wedding tape. The wedding footage and the music did bring tears to my eyes–joyous tears, tears shed for courageous women who were willing to put it all out on the line to follow their hearts.
To my dismay, my dear mother who I love and respect deeply, walked in as the show was ending. She felt the need, as always, to throw in her own comments on the subject of “gayness,” in her words. She stated how much she loves Ellen and said, “Now that is a woman who did not have a choice to be gay.” Then she looked at Portia, Ellen’s wife who sat beside Ellen on TV, “Now she, she made a choice, and I think that is really sad.” She went on to talk about how sad it is that my generation of girls looks at “gayness” with such a cavalier attitude, and how we can just say, “Hm, do I want to go out with my boyfriend tonight or am I more in the mood to snuggle with my best girlfriend and maybe make out.”
I think that in my mom’s stream of consciousness she touched upon a couple different things:
First of all, I do not think that it is any one else’s place to decide who made a “choice” and who didn’t make a choice to be gay. Sexuality is completely a personal matter, and only the person themself can know what feels true to their own heart.
Secondly, no one, gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, etc. makes a choice as to who they fall in love with. Love is just love, and more often of not it hits you out of no where at times when and in places where it is least expected.
Thirdly, (and this one really bothers me), my mom does not know ellen, nor does she know portia. What is it that has made her so firmly believe that Ellen is truly gay, but Portia is just choosing to be gay? I think it is so common these days for our parents generation as well as most males to think of lesbians exclusively as females who have short hair cuts, a sturdy gate, manly build and voice, and who play sports and drink beer. But, um, news flash: straight women come in all shapes, sizes, hair colors, builds, voices and interests…. and lesbians do too! I think that this misconception has something to do with the fact that lesbians who do have this boyish identity find it tougher to keep their sexual identity a secret, for they are most likely the ones who had gotten picked on as a child and made fun of for their tom-boyish features. On the other hand, women who are very feminine and girlish are not “pointed-out” as different. As a result, they may never feel the need to question their own sexuality or they may find it easier to just slide by and fit in with the masses, which can feel much safer yet less satisfying and more lonely in the long run.
Fourthly, although I can agree on the fact that being gay, lesbian and bisexual has without a doubt become more popular these days, and experimenting is looked upon with a much more welcoming eye and judgement, I for one would rather live in a world where people are not afraid to explore their sexuality than live in one where people have to live in fear and feel threatened because their true colors are not accepted in the public light.
Whether I am straight, transgender, bi, or a lesbian, I feel proud to be a person who can sit and watch the wedding video of two women and find it one of the most beautiful things in the world. Because just like any other true and respectful expression of love, I am ready to embrace it with open arms.
So to Ellen and Portia, to Oprah for welcoming them to her show, and to all of those other courageous men and women who have chosen to be true to their heart… here is to loving who you love, no matter what race, religion, ethnicity, culture, or sexual orientation you are.
